“If you like Piña Coladas, and getting caught in the rain…” ―Rupert Holmes

During the Cold War, a bartender at the Hilton Caribe Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico, broke the ice for the world’s first Piña Colada, and a quartet of Puerto Rico’s pro-independence hot-heads opened fire on the U.S. Capital.

“The biggest gunfight in Secret Service History was over in 40 seconds. A total of twenty-seven shots had been fired.”

―Ronald Kessler

The first Cold War President of the United States, Harry S. Truman, favored greater autonomy for Puerto Rico, both before and after firebrands for Puerto Rico’s independence tried to ice him.

“A President has to expect these things.”

―Harry S. Truman

A Russion-captured American spy-plane pilot signaled that the ice in Siberia left an aftertaste of gulag, and Washington’s man in Havana signaled that the Coke in a Cuba Libre was badly bruised by Ivan’s ice.

“We’re no longer in the Cold War. Eavesdropping on friends is unacceptable.”

―Vladimir Putin

Turns out that “Cold War” was code for the ice in a Piña Colada, which KGB agents from the Bay of Pigs sampled during R&R at a Hilton hotel in Puerto Rico. That’s why today, the don of a competing hotel chain, who owes Russia big time for making him don of the outfit that grabbed Puerto Rico from Spain in 1898, wants to give them a sweetheart deal on property he has no use for.

“I never had a glass of alcohol. I never had alcohol, for whatever reason. Can you imagine if I had? What a mess I would be. I would be the world’s worst. I never drank, OK?”

—Donald Trump