Posts tagged ‘God’

Sep 3

“I’ve been alive forever and I wrote the very first song…” –’God,’ to quote Bruce Johnston

The entrance examiner for Songwriters Heaven asks the candidate: “WHO WRITES THE SONGS THAT MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD SING?” The candidate sings out, “Bruce Johnston, of the Beach Boys, wrote ‘I Write the Songs (That Make the Whole World Sing)’ and said he wrote it about where music comes from, God.” The examiner asks, “Is that a fact?” The candidate replies, “I read it at SongFacts.com.” The examiner thinks, “Thank God! I thought it was Barry Manilow.”

Aug 22

“The gods only laugh when people ask them for money.” –Japanese Proverb

John D. Rockefeller slips the bank teller a note that reads: “TRANSFER THE MONEY FROM GOD’S ACCOUNT INTO MINE.” The teller says, “But you already have more money than God!”

Money is a seriously funny joke. People don’t just beg, borrow and steal it, you know. They train for it, bust their humps for it, wed for it. Many live for it. Some die for it. But why?

“God gave me my money.” –John D. Rockefeller

Aug 19

“The past is never where you think you left it.” –Katherine Anne Porter

The distinction between before and after the clock strikes one, cracks me up like a funhouse mirror. The very idea of distinguishing between early and late makes me laugh with the gods of science.

“The distinction between the past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.” –Albert Einstein

Aug 15

“I intend to live forever, or die trying.” -Groucho Marx

The audience is booing the 100-year-old comic for boring them with the same old joke. Under his breath, the comic mutters, “God, don’t let me die up here on the stage, let me kill the audience.” Everybody in the audience keels over like reaped wheat. The comic cries,“God,I was speaking metaphorically!” A voice replies, “In that case, either write a new joke before you step off the stage, or be taken literally.”

The subject of today’s seriously funny philosophical post: The finite and infinite benefits of writing a new joke, where fatal metaphors, namely Father Time, a.k.a. the Grim Reaper, do not get the last laugh. The finite benefit: Writing such a joke focuses our imagination on a timeless state of consciousness where there is nothing to do but be happy, and all of time to do it now.

The infinite benefit: We realize our greatest desire now.

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Aug 7

“The gods too are fond of a joke.” –Aristotle

“At the height of laughter the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.” –Jean Houston

Laughter is the music of happiness played on a scale from tickled to amused to delighted to elated to ecstatic to… Well, that’s plenty for most of us. Those who laugh at the same joke the gods are fond of, make light of the cause of unhappiness.

“We are never happy until we learn to laugh at ourselves.” –Dorothy Dix