“Let me give you a wonderful Zen practice. Wake up in the morning… look in the mirror, and laugh at yourself.” —Bernie Glassman

As a penman mightier than swordsmen from Aramis to Zorro, I flatter myself to boast of my peerless prowess.

“The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that is laughable is vanity.” —Henri Bergson

I was born with a silver pen in my mouth, and immediately began my love story.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” —Oscar Wilde

It is dedicated to the apple of my eye.

“He who loves himself has no rivals.” —Benjamin Franklin

Not to say it’s easy. For one thing, the competition for your admiration is fierce.

“I don’t care what you think unless it is about me.” —Kurt Cobain

On top of that, your own worst critic may not recognize the truth.

“Tell me I’m clever, Tell me I’m kind, Tell me I’m talented, Tell me I’m cute, Tell me I’m sensitive, graceful and wise, Tell me I’m perfect – But tell me the truth.” —Shel Silverstein 

If you drop your self-regard, even for a minute, you could get hooked on humanity, and find yourself in rehab.

“If you can laugh at yourself, you are going to be fine. If you allow others to laugh with you, you will be great.” —Martin Niemoller

To take the cure, you shed your shield and armor at the edge of a pond, swan-dive through your surface reflection, save an endangered species and emerge wearing only a halo.

“Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.” —Louise L. Hay

Soon a muse appears with your wings.

“There are only two profound ways to reach enlightenment: Laugh by yourself, or get tickled.” —Saurabh Sharma

Now you can rise above your vanity.

“You are God. Get over it!” —Story Waters

And forgive your own worst enemy.

“Don’t forget to love yourself.” —Søren Kirkegaard

And humbly give your gift to the world.

“Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues.” —Confucius

That’s what makes this penman mightier than all… well, except those from Anonymous to Zoroaster, who say everything worth saying better than I can say it myself. 

“Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.” —Anonymous

If my own worst critic has a problem with that, they can take it up with my pit bull, Siddhartha.

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” —Buddha

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