“If you are writing about baloney, don’t try and make it Cornish hen, because that’s the worst kind of baloney there is. Just make it darn good baloney.” —Leo Burnett

Grill ice-cold cuts on low heat:
subdue spitting blistering fat,
like stinging zingers in a spat.
Thaw if frozen. Warm for treats.

No matter how you slice it, it’s still baloney.

—Rube Goldberg

If hard edged or sour-grape hued,
hold the mustard, and on fresh bread
spread lots of sweet relish instead,
lest you eat your wurst with rue.

Be silent, or say something better than silence.

—Pythagoras

Chew slowly, predigesting.
Finer mincing precludes sorrows,
pretenderizing tomorrow’s
rehashed delicatessen.

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.

―Epictetus

Eschew the cheap and phony.
Pound foolish is parsimony.
Get full value for your money.
Choose just darn good baloney.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

—Abraham Lincoln