Welcome to our second flight of Priceless Ads. As in the first flight, every Priceless ad in this series delivers a familiar massage. In your comment(s) about the massage that you receive, again and again, please don’t hold back you true feelings. 

“Contempt is a terrible thing to waste.” –Max Im*

*Max Im is the pun name of a pen name suffering from aphorism, which causes one to shoot its mouth off. The rest of the Max Im quotes in this post go without citation, lest familiarity with a pun name breed groans that stifle contempt.

“Lonely is misery’s company. Solitude is the companionship of absent friends and silent partners.”

“Priceless alone time is meeting a perfect stranger worth writing home about.“

“Dogged curiosity retrieves every scrap of knowledge a cat needs to come, see and conquer the world, before it’s ten.”

“It is better to idle well than to work like a dog just to bury your bones in a hole in the ground. Feeding worms that prefer manure to bones is a stupid waste of energy, like chasing your tail.”

“An epic tale that runs on happily ever after, like the one about the Olympian goddess Hebe, first sole distributor of ambrosia and nectar, and her immortal human half-brother Heracles, role models for a marriage made in heaven, is a priceless shaggy dog story. But your tale could be short as a Shih Tzu named Hai Ku, and still have long legs. And shag. That’s epic, too.”

“Still waters run deep in the murky bayous of the vaulted organ that we sometimes think with. There lurk our primal survival functions—be still or race my beating heart; is she hot or is it just me; do I yawn and snooze or lunge and snap—all controlled by a chameleon’s wet suit. It goes with ‘gater waders and croc’ socks, or flip-flops for casual flings. Wherever you lurk, dress for success.”

*

The following Priceless Ads are public service announcements. They are not for sensation seekers of true conspiracy theories in fake news media, but for cultured patrons of the priceless art of op-ed cartoons, such as those which foment hope for egregiously hilarious human nature.

“Narcissists are hard of hearing anything but flattery on the fast track to narcissist heaven, which features a self-reflecting pool for algae, and other amenities. If you aren’t with them, you can’t be baptized in that pool, so you’re excommunicated from narcissist heaven. So flatter them by announcing that algae love narcissists, with a blast of classy sass.”

“The world’s most wanted sneakers with electronic ankle bracelets, stink up a Samba of festivity worse than a grieving Tango to the end of love with a burning violin. So stuff the sneakers with their ripe gym socks in secure lockers, and step out in slippers that scent Bossa Nova and Cha-cha-cha!”

“Gunslingers that believe their own absolutely right self-image on Reality TV News, shoot themselves in the foot at the polls. So take your thumb off the hammer and press Zap on the TV zapper of public opinion. There are more zappers than all the Colt ‘Peacemakers’ in the saloons, hotel windows, corrals, and streets at high noon.”

“If you invest your trust in an AI ride with hyperbolic drive to the last resort that fell to rust by converting its oxygen to iron oxide, don’t leave the blue marble without a copy of Charles Mackay’s Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds, to read on the ride, and an AI stockbroker with lust like rust, by your side.”

“High above the campus of the Université de Montréal on Mount Royal, peregrine falcons Ziva and Tad keep a watchful eye on students earning a higher education from baby falcons Edna, Gaoh, and Gali, born in May 2026 at the university’s nest box on the 23rd floor of the main building. Nature teaches us how to get over ourselves.”

“A cool tool makes a point about hammering swords into plowshares, by erasing the initial s in the s word, and in the care word, if not the swear word. Crank the harpener to peel the s off tupid and hit, and use the point to replace the s on age and aint.”

“Hand writing signs you can feel, like lip reading love letters, is the art of human correspondence.”

“Poetic vision reveals beauty’s truth as the epitome of human knowledge in an ode on an urn. Ordinary vision reveals an urn. But once you’ve seen truth’s beauty, it’s hard to see only an urn. Rose-colored glasses might help.”

“The father of modern Western philosophy thought, ‘I think, therefore I am.’ The father of modern evolution theory thought that the highest possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control our thoughts. That’s what art is for.”

“You only have to take a shower to revive the liberating joy in singing your heart out on a bus.”

“Just because they’ve been around, doesn’t mean they’ve lost the way. As the cheerleader of human resources in the unemployed world, a cheerful old girl named Gladys, says: Put a spring in their step, and old boys are more useful than toy boys that wind up in a box in the attic with broken Hot Wheels and trains that don’t choo-choo.“

 “Flesh and blood have always been staples at the top of the food chain, and not only symbolically in holy rites, nor only missionaries on the Cannibal Islands. Where Homo sapiens dined, at least since the Bronze Age, the species has been eating itself to the top. Today’s special is a French dish, À chacun son goût. Jump to recipe.”

“The buzz among serious scholars, scientists, and foodies seeking the secret ingredients of the immortal Olympians’ divine sustenance, is drawn to honey and fermented honey, as well a fungus farmed in tree bark by beetles, and a wild red-capped fungus with white spots, like the toadstool in Wonderland. With honeyed shrooms and brew, one could eat, drink and be merry forever, even in Kansas.”

“Doubt is curiosity’s surprise. Doubt is also disappointment’s shield, which can block out all but the disguises in which miracles come true. If you doubt that you can create a miracle in your mind, watch a CGI movie. But to make it so, you have to be careful about the disguise of the miracle you wish for. If it’s a surprise party, for example, you might wish for all the candles on a cake that you can eat before blowing them out.”

“To dazzle the darkness with a dream adventure you create at night and in which you wake up at dawn’s early light, don’t go to bed without a penlight. A torch is a metaphor of a flashlight that can’t write, or an old flame smoldering in an ashtray, or a beacon of freedom for wretched masses. Only a martyr on a mission might take a literal torch to bed. And literal words hide truth.“

Please give your your admiration to AI-inserted ads that pay for the space occupied by Priceless Ads. Thank you in advance for the contempt of familiarity, and for your continued observation of this space.

At present, Priceless Ads are in superposition, like a cat’s meow in the cat’s pajamas, until and unless observed, whereupon the superposition collapses in laughter.

Good humor is a priceless gift of all apprentice, journeymen and master miracle workers in the guild of creatively gifted immortals, all of which are artists in one way or another if not in multiple ways, from one-man bands to celestial choirs.

This post is dedicated to the creative genius of an old boy from the global ad network, who’s only a toy boy in his dreams. Olé Pepe!