Posts from the ‘Philosophy and Humor’ Category
“One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love.” –Sophocles quote
Iconish is the new lingua franca. Everyone understands it. There is no risk of miscommunication. Now we can all just get along.
“Email, instant messaging, and cell phones give us fabulous communication ability, but because we live and work in our own little worlds, that communication is totally disorganized.” –Marilyn vos Savant
“The newest computer can merely compound, at speed, the oldest problem in the relations between human beings, and in the end the communicator will be confronted with the old problem, of what to say and how to say it.” –Edward R. Murrow
“Stop the words now. Open the window in the center of your chest, and let the spirits fly in and out.” –Rumi quote
“Who on earth would claim that the pearl expresses the oyster?” –C. Day Lewis quote
The Autobiography of an Oyster
Following my narrow escape from the naked pearl diver, I thought it was safe to apply another layer of nacre to the irritant lodged in my shell like the seed of an idea. Alas, the naked pearl diver’s naked sister stayed my retreat, and together they hauled me up from the seabed and rolled me along the wet sand, shouting, “Everybody, come and see what we’ve got!”
I risked a peak, and just as I’d feared, all the naked pearl divers were descending on me. So I clammed up.
But then I thought, “Why deny my destiny? Why not adorn the breast of a queen and ransom a king? Why not be auctioned at Sotheby’s and snatched from Topkapi? Why not come out of my shell and illuminate the legends of the naked pearl divers?”
To make a long story short, I didn’t have to think twice. And, except to write my autobiography, I’ve never looked back.
“What can be more foolish than to think that all this rare fabric of heaven and earth could come about by chance, when all the skill of art is not able to make an Oyster!” -Anatole France quote
“To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.” –Lao Tzu quote
This post has been updated, view it here.
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“I’ve been alive forever and I wrote the very first song…” –’God,’ to quote Bruce Johnston
The entrance examiner for Songwriters Heaven asks the candidate: “WHO WRITES THE SONGS THAT MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD SING?” The candidate sings out, “Bruce Johnston, of the Beach Boys, wrote ‘I Write the Songs (That Make the Whole World Sing)’ and said he wrote it about where music comes from, God.” The examiner asks, “Is that a fact?” The candidate replies, “I read it at SongFacts.com.” The examiner thinks, “Thank God! I thought it was Barry Manilow.”
“Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.” –Mark Twain
Approaching the great spiral stairway at the end of the road, a shapely figure in a red micro-mini and feathered boa, says to a frumpy figure in a black habit and wimple, “I must be going down, for sex was my way of life, while you must be going up.” Holding its wimple, the frumpy figure hops on the banister and shouts, “…Been there, done that.”
Any adult who seriously thinks that sex is an antonym for heaven, and chastity a synonym, needs to get laughed.
“Any real ecstasy is a sign you are moving in the right direction, don’t let any prude tell you otherwise.” –Saint Teresa Of Avila
“The gods only laugh when people ask them for money.” –Japanese Proverb
John D. Rockefeller slips the bank teller a note that reads: “TRANSFER THE MONEY FROM GOD’S ACCOUNT INTO MINE.” The teller says, “But you already have more money than God!”
Money is a seriously funny joke. People don’t just beg, borrow and steal it, you know. They train for it, bust their humps for it, wed for it. Many live for it. Some die for it. But why?
“God gave me my money.” –John D. Rockefeller
“The past is never where you think you left it.” –Katherine Anne Porter
The distinction between before and after the clock strikes one, cracks me up like a funhouse mirror. The very idea of distinguishing between early and late makes me laugh with the gods of science.
“The distinction between the past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.” –Albert Einstein
“I intend to live forever, or die trying.” -Groucho Marx
The audience is booing the 100-year-old comic for boring them with the same old joke. Under his breath, the comic mutters, “God, don’t let me die up here on the stage, let me kill the audience.” Everybody in the audience keels over like reaped wheat. The comic cries,“God,I was speaking metaphorically!” A voice replies, “In that case, either write a new joke before you step off the stage, or be taken literally.”
The subject of today’s seriously funny philosophical post: The finite and infinite benefits of writing a new joke, where fatal metaphors, namely Father Time, a.k.a. the Grim Reaper, do not get the last laugh. The finite benefit: Writing such a joke focuses our imagination on a timeless state of consciousness where there is nothing to do but be happy, and all of time to do it now.
The infinite benefit: We realize our greatest desire now.
Aug 10
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need if I die by four o’clock.” -Henny Youngman
Today, we are laughing with the gods at a finite metaphor’s cuckoo relationship to wealth, to love, and to life (not to say money, sex, and death). The finite metaphor is an invention of the human imagination: a metering device known as the clock.
“They took away time, and they gave us the clock.” –Abdullah Ibrahim
Once you get an inkling of what time itself is made of, its finite metaphors become seriously funny.
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.” –Douglas Adams
Time…as meted out by clocks, calendars, birthday cards, sympathy cards…is a seriously limited metaphor of life, the universe, et al. Did you know you have the power to trade it in for an infinite one?
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